I may be having a mid-life crisis.

I mean, it wouldn’t surprise me. This is the year I turn 40 and after the 2020 I had? Seriously. It wouldn’t surprise me.

I guess I ended up a private person in the last several years (thanks internet trolls, and oh by the way, fuck you.) So I don’t share a whole lot of what’s going on in my life. Especially when the shit gets heavy. Likewise, I don’t share a whole lot of the triumphs, either.

2020 started with my grandmother dying of what was likely Covid. She was, undoubtedly, the matriarch of the family. A month after that, my ‘uncle’ H. died of lung cancer. H. was married to my mom’s cousin who was the same age bracket as my mother so we always called her Aunt J. and her brother my Uncle. I miss her and my cousins but sadly the way my family operates is a lot like ice flows… individuals all floating along bumping into each other, then drifting back apart, moving along the currents of our own lives sometimes never to really reconnect again. For the most part, I’m alright with that. Especially when some of that family drifts back near and you find out they’ve been chillin’ as an ice cube in the conspiracy theory Kool-Aid in your absence.

Anyway, that’s not what I’m getting at here so I’ll continue…

The day after my uncle died, I caught my husband cheating. Red handed, woke up on the couch after an eighteen or twenty-hour day working a local event trying to sell books right over his shoulder as he was leaning up right up on me texting somebody else trying to hook up, upset with them for not answering him in time for him to meet up with them.

Yeah. That’s what happened. I told him to get out and start packing his shit that very minute. Gave him three days to find someplace else to be… my timing kind of sucked on that because he had to move out on my stepson’s birthday but I don’t feel bad for my ex on that one, I just feel bad for my stepson. (Not that I think he would ever read one of my rando and sporadic blog posts but on the off chance, I’m sorry kid. You don’t know how much.)

I spent the next few months trying to get my shit together, filed for divorce (which thanks universe) as soon as I had the money which so happened to be on my wedding anniversary, then stood for a time in the smoldering wreckage of my life coming to terms with the fact that financially I was just as big a mess as I was emotionally and that by god I was gonna pull myself up by the bootstraps and do something about that fact.

The finances.

Emotionally, I’m still a trainwreck but having other things to do/focus on certainly helps.

By the way, if anything about this chain of events seems even remotely familiar? Yeah, I kind of tweaked them and used them for Apex of the Curve. Lazy writing, I know, but you all needed a book and I needed the closest thing to autopilot I could get and so for the one person that declared Aspen a weak and unlikeable character? Don’t worry. I laughed. You were right to an extent… she was because she was me and got the happy ending I’m still holding a glimmer of hope for except in the really-real world there’s no hot biker. Just guys that ‘didn’t sign up’ for me being sad all the time.

So, today marks the one year anniversary of my life going into thermo-nuclear meltdown and what do I have to show for it?

Back to that whole, I think I’m having a mid-life crisis thing, I brought my credit score up to just shy of 800 and bought a fucking house…

Across the country.

Basically, sight unseen.

I move in like 13 days and pretty much arrive on the day we close.

Yep. I bet the proverbial farm on this venture. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be across the country with my shit and no place to move it into but hey… that’s for another novel am I right?

So I figure you all really want Low Sided and it’s still coming but if you’ve ever bought a house you know… there’s not a whole lot of time or brain left to brain with at the end of the day. I’ve been getting off the phone and out of emails and been “Wut r werds?” every day for the last 2+ weeks straight so I’ll be getting to it, but it’s just taking me longer than usual.

Anyway. I’m expecting calls from financial institutions etc. any minute so I’m going to get off of here.

I just hope I do better in this new iteration of my life than I did in the last one.

Wish me luck.

One thought on “I may be having a mid-life crisis.

  1. Wishing you so much luck. I am happy that you picked yourself up and attempted to fix your shit! I just had this discussion with my kids (21 and 26) this morning. Looking forward to the next story and the next update on your life. I love a survivor.

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