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Well that didn’t go quite as expected…

So, on Friday I found out that I need to have a pretty significant surgery done. (At least it’s pretty significant for me.)
 
I have to have half of my thyroid removed. The tumor is pretty much the entire size of my thyroid on the left side, but the surgeon assured me, even if it were a tiny thing, that whole side would need to come out anyways. The thyroid has a lot of blood vessels and shit and apparently likes to bleed a lot.
 
Things that freak me out about this impending surgery in order of worst to least:
 
1. I may come out with a drain in my neck depending on if I am a bleeder.
 
2. I have a less than 1% chance of dying, but with any surgery where they put you under it’s a risk.
 
3. I have a 1 to 4% chance of permanent voice damage because they are going to be playing around awfully close to the nerve responsible for moving my vocal chords.
 
4. I am going to have about a four-inch scar in the front of my neck.
 
(I know it totally says something about me that I am more afraid of waking up after 3 to four hours of surgery having half a major gland removed out of my neck and having to deal with a drain being there than I am of dying, but there you go. That’s pretty much me in a nutshell.)
 
It also pretty significantly freaks me out that I am going home the same day. They aren’t keeping me overnight. Ain’t modern medicine grand?
 
Now where I really need the good vibes isn’t when I am under the knife. What I need are the good vibes while I wait for the tumor to get through pathology and for them to tell me that for sure, this damn thing isn’t cancer. I really want this misadventure to stop here.
 
If it is cancer, then I get to make a return trip to the operating room to have the other half out *and* I get to spend a week in isolation locked in my bedroom and bathroom for a week while I am too radioactive to approach.
 
My fiance can only leave me food at my door, I can’t snuggle my kittens, and I’m not 100% sure I can do anything fun, like read, write, or anything else. Soooo yeah, let’s do the whole thoughts and prayers thing that the buck stops at the first surgery and I don’t have to go through any of that bullshit. Okay?
 
In the meantime, my superstitious self is going to go the extra mile and wrap up the most important projects before I go in for surgery at all. Which means I am going to make sure Dragons book is done, that it is left in the capable hands of my team to make sure that in the event of my unforeseen and untimely death that y’all get it. Because when you fully plan for the worst case scenario *it doesn’t happen.* It’s when you take an attitude like ‘pfft, it won’t happen to me’ and totally blow things off that the shit hits the fan.
 
Not on June 7th, Satan. Not on June 7th.
 
So I’m going to have my head down, work my ass off, and be getting shit done between now and my personal d-day and no matter what happens, you’ll get the finish you were hoping for and expecting because I am not going to make you wait for fourteen books and then up and die leaving things undone. I may be an asshole but I’m not *that* big of an asshole.
 
I love you guys.
 
XoXo,
A.J.

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