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Now, as for where the actual fuck I’ve been… 

Let me sum this up in a series of dates:

  • January 8th – My grandmother died of an ‘unidentified viral pneumonia’ whether it was the ‘rona we’ll never know because they weren’t even testing for it then. It was on China’s radar and was more than likely already here, but again, we’ll never know.

I know. It sucks. She was my last living grandparent. This was just the beginning, though…

  • February 8th – My ‘Uncle’ Hardy died from lung cancer. I put uncle in air quotes because he was actually a cousin by marriage, he married my ‘Aunt’ Jewell who is actually my mom’s first cousin but they were so similar in age that for me all throughout my childhood, she was always known as ‘Aunt Jewell’ and Hardy was, by default, ‘Uncle’ Hardy.

But wait, there’s more…

  • February 9th – that’s right, the day after my uncle died which was one month to the day my grandmother died, I caught my husband cheating in one of the worst ways possible.

 

  • February 12th – My husband moved out. Insult to injury, it also happened to be my stepson’s birthday.

The universe was seriously not done with me yet. I had a lawyer draw up divorce papers but had to wait for my coffers to replenish so I could actually file.

  •  March 16th – This also happens to be our wedding anniversary – I finally had enough money to file for divorce. That’s right. I filed for a divorce on my wedding anniversary.

To say that 2020 has been utterly devastating is a vast understatement. Add to the personal tragedies stacking up like cordwood the political situation, general unrest, then slap the fact I live in the freaking U.S. epicenter (King County, Washington) of the COVID-19 outbreak my mental health has just absolutely been living in the shitter.

I needed to take a step back and rally. Lick my wounds, as it were, and so I did. I’m creeping back out of my hidey hole slowly but surely here and I feel like I owe you all an explanation for where I’ve been. I just needed to do me for a while and I can’t even tell you what my ‘new normal’ is going to be like because I had literally zero adjustment period before the ‘Stay At Home’ order was slapped on me by this damn virus.

I’m still trying to figure out / waiting to see what that looks like.

Anyway, thanks for reading this long-ass gripey post and for letting me get that off my chest. I’m sorry I just disappeared, but it’s what I do when things get heavy. I hope that virus aside, the rest of you are having a decent enough 2020.

Take care of each other. Hug your spouse.

Peace out, for now.

XoXo,

A.J.

7 thoughts on “Now, as for where the actual fuck I’ve been… 

  1. Life has been a total pain in the ass for you. I am so sorry to hear about your loss of family members and your marriage. But I wanted to thank you for sharing. Everyone is struggling right now some more than others. I also appreciate that you know your worth as a woman and as a human. Kiss ass and take names later. Sending you virtual support through this time.

  2. Your 2020 so far has been the pits hoping it gets better as you adjust. I live in Olympia and hope the stay at home order changes soon. Hang in there and take each day at a time. Sending live and hugs.

  3. I’m so sorry that all of that has happened to you so far this year! It definitely brings to mind the phrase: “When it rains, it pours.” You never actually said how you’re handling the stuff with your husband, but I hope you realize that what he did is a reflection of his character and has nothing to do with you. Mine tried to make me believe his cheating was almost entirely my fault. I can only give you a big old virtual hug and tell you to keep your chin up. You’re an awesome, kick ass woman, and this will pass.

  4. My condolences on the recent loss of your family members and how your husband has treated you. With everything else going on in the world your 2020 has been especially shitty
    I’m wishing you love, health and happiness and although it maybe one of the saddest truths of the world; “this too shall pass” and you’ll get this “over the high side” and it’ll be downhill and easy riding from there.
    Best wishes

    Rachel xx

  5. Sorry for your troubles. I always remember this statement when time are rough. “The Lord never gives you more than you can handle” . I know it has helped me through rough times. Because it gives me that not of faith that I am strong enough to handle this because he knows I can. Good luck and best wishes with it all.

    Another note I just completed your book, On the High Side. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Can’t wait for book 2 in the series.

    Stay strong and keep plugging along.

  6. I just found your web page and started reading your blog in an attempt to find out what is coming next in your books. Then I found this post. All I can say is, hang in there. I also found myself laid off from work, then 3 days later my husband moved out without notice leaving me with an almost 3 year old and a 6 year old. I thought it was awful but 20 some years later, it was the beginning of my life adventure. So sorry you went through this pain, but fuck them all and show them you are stronger.

    BTW – I LOVE your books!

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